When we are physically hurt or handicapped, our wounds and limitations are usually seen, acknowledged and addressed by ourselves and others. But in comparison, our emotional wounds and interpersonal handicaps are more often than not hidden, dismissed, or put off in terms of needing to be addressed, supported and healed.

Rejection, betrayal or a break in a relationship bond can elicit a pain response in the brain comparable to physical trauma, sometimes with the accompanying symptoms of PTSD. Yet we can judge ourselves or others for not ‘getting over’ such an injury fast enough, and either throw ourselves into activity as a distraction from our emotions or get caught in a trauma cycle of ruminating over the event.

If we move through these experiences by allowing ourselves to explore our feelings and the triggers behind the pain, we may come face to face with deeper, underlying emotional wounds from early childhood and opportunities to clear them. Attending to these ruptures of attachment can take a great deal of courage and self-compassion but ultimately can lead to a greater sense of self-recovery and wholeness.

But when we are disconnected from ourselves and unable or unwilling to face our attachment traumas, we may turn against our feeling nature and armor our hearts in an attempt to defend against the pain (past, present, and perceived future). And when the truth is too painful for us to face, we can become complicit in our own denial.

If we’ve been emotionally traumatized, especially early in life, we may come to believe that love and belonging is not real, possible, or available to us (i.e. that we are not wanted, at least, not as we are) and opt for seeking power and control instead as a poor substitute. When too many traumatized people are taught to shut down their capacity to feel in this way, the world burns.